Sunday, March 29, 2009
We Single '40-Somethings'
by, Mark Baker
Hmmm, for whatever reason, it seems that lots of us Baby Boomers (1946--1964), especially those towards the tail-end of the boom (1958-1964) married BADLY! Perhaps we were naively imprinted by the idealic environment a vast majority of us experienced in our formative early years: Our Mother's were at home, 'Pong' hadn't even been invented yet, so we spent hours on-end 'OUTSIDE' with our friends playing sandlot games, riding our bikes, shooting BB-Guns, 'Lawn Darts/Jarts,' Hoops, etc. We reluctantly 'came in' only after our mothers hollered at us for dinner (or we’d taken a Lawn Dart in the thigh, lol), and then we had to scrub-off the top layer of grime before we helped Mom set the table and go fetch Dad from the watching Walter Cronkite, or fiddling in the garage. After dinner we (if we were the oldest kid, which I was damn-it) cleared the table and washed the dishes and then joined the rest of the family for TV (if our ‘homework’ was completed). We together watched (what a lost concept) the likes of 'Gunsmoke,' 'My three Son's,' 'The Wonderful World of Disney,' 'Mutual of Omaha's WILD KINGDOM' (remember how Marlin always had poor "Stan" do all the hard work for him, then he'd 'step-into' the shot to look victorious (I NOW FEEL THAT THIS WAS A SUBLIMINAL WARNING TO US, THAT IN OUR FUTURES, WE WOULD ENCOUNTER SUPERIORS (Boomers born before 1958) WHO BEING UN-IMAGINATIVE, UNETHICAL PRICKS, WOULD TAKE CREDIT FOR OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, lol).
This grand incubator primed allot of us to expect a safe, idealic world and life ahead of us. We were mistaken. Not all of us shared this naive worldview, because they were the ones we married, "For Better & Worse" (Bata vs. VHS), "Through Sickness & Health", "Forsaking all Others..." (this is where the mates of us who married very badly, would later 'DIVIATE' from the game-plan on us (who'd of ever pictured Mike or Carol Brady 'Shaking-up' on the side?').So, then, with that realization, like a few others (who'll know what I'm saying here), I dedicated myself to being the best parent I could be, and raising my kids to be as strong as they could be having come from a 'broken home' (a term the PC world has banished). Now, with my youngest on the cusp of graduating high school and leaving the nest, I find myself at a place where I can consider the possibility of finding HER. 'She,' wherever she is (and I am old-fashioned enough to still believe that a good man and women can find each other). What I will not do however is continue to be so naive to allow myself to be hemmed-in by conventional wisdom that states that she necessarily be from my home state (Michigan), or even necessarily the United States itself.
While physical beauty is something I'll admit DOES play a role, I wisely no longer necessarily equate it as a primary factor of attraction. Rather, a woman who possesses integrity, wisdom, autonomy, passion, discretion and a good degree of HUMOR is a rare woman indeed. She may be white, black, Asian, or Polish/Italian, whatever. She could be next door, across town, state, country, or ocean. But regardless of any of that, the women I'm seeking fits the following:
She wakes with a smile and considers what she has before giving thought to what's missing in her life.She is comfortable with who she is, and the hand that she's been given to deal with.If she has them, she puts her children’s needs ahead of her own and NEVER resents having been blessed with them.She isn't caught-up in the neon-glow of the world we find ourselves in, but instead carries herself with dignity and grace driven by an in-dwelling desire to please the Lord. She thus possesses the inherent intelligence (or has learned through grand revelation) that 'the world does not rotate around her (or any person for that matter), and that we are all at our best when we pause to consider the needs of those around us.She is physically active and enjoys activities outside the home; a hike through a forest or along a secluded beach is far preferable to her to "hitting the bars." She is an 'Observer' of people, their actions and motivations and has developed a strong sense of discernment as to who's sincere and those who may not be.She has a strong sense of autonomy and self-respect, and although she'd prefer to have a man in her life, she isn't willing to "settle" for just anyone who pays attention to her, but instead has been holding out for the man she wants. She is PASSIONATE in love and with her affections toward the man she loves.She has a strong desire to travel and see so many places that she's yet to visit, but ultimately would love to do that with a man she loves and who loves and adores her.She is loyal and dedicated to her friends, but not led-astray by them because she has a strong sense of self-worth and autonomy; she values her extended family and maintains contact with them. She has a good HEALTHY SENSE of HUMOR and can laugh at herself and the folly of mankind in general. Wherever she might be, -on a 'date-site;' in another state or country (hopefully New Zealand or Italy, then, lol), SHE'S the women I'm seeking.
I'll start by stating that I think first dates are WAY over-rated actually. My experience (and I'll trust that it's the same with smart, discerning women) is that you generally know (or seriously suspect) within the first 10-15 minutes (sometimes less then 2!) if they’re someone you're truly interested in? Now, even IF you ARE interested in her, 'Murphy's Law' dictates that she may well NOT feel the same vibe for you, or visa-versa (that's what 'Restraining Orders' are for, lol). I guess courtship is a bit analogous with making sausage, 'It NOT a pretty process, but we're attracted to it nonetheless.' But still I like my odds better then that of a male Black Widow Spider (those guys have it WAY worse).
So, we roll our dice and try to partake in the grand game that is Courtship in hopes of finding that ONE SPECIAL person (a TRANSCEIVER if you will) who both 'receives' our vibe and 'transmits' us theirs. Courtship is an ART, not a science. Some art is beautiful, timeless and classic, while other art is...NOT. So to answer this silly, obligatory question, I'll state that a successful 1st date is when both he and she CLICK (Transmit a mutual positive vibe). THAT seed is all that's necessary to usher-in something far more relevant then a 2nd date, but rather the ingredients for a new life together; a thousand walks on the beech at sunset, and many times that, ‘coy glances’ to each other in crowded places, and countless trips to bed hand-in-hand at the end of a day… That’s all I’m really waiting for .
*UPDATE, March 1st, 2011: I found my 'Transceiver.' Actually, she found me, but that works fine with me. Her name is Annette and we graduated High School together back in 1980. She's amazing in every way and we're re-discovering 'Life' the way it should be... -Mark